does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
