I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
