Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
