I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
