atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
