2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize