This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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