How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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