Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize