I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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