just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
