Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize