oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
