Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I have demons in me.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
