Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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