i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
