you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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