god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
