No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
