And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
