Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize