remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Sorry my hands just texted you
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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