if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
