worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
