How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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