talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
handjob tips. give me some.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
