My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
