i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She made me pour olive oil on her.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
