Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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