My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize