I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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