All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
