yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
