I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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