If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
