apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
