Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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