phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
