Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
