I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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