The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
