Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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