Are we in a gay sports bar?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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