Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Randomize
