The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Also, beer. Big fan.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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