It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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