More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
