we're chasing vodka with high fives
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
