Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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