Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
