ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
