it's too hot outside to masturbate.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
