Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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