Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
