I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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