i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
