If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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