Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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