Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize