Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
