so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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