Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
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