well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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