Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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