I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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