never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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