well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
