A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
