God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
