i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
