a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize