I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
