I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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